Miss A is someone I admire. She’s a friend of my childhood friend and I find her stylish, enterprising, beautiful and intelligent. I follow her on social media.
Miss A uses her social media actively but she has never given the impression she is dating anyone. At least in the nine years since I have been a follower, from Facebook to Instagram.
You know those sort of quotes where single people are quick to comment,
“I am on this table.”
“Men are **”
“My fellow singles lets gather here.”
“God I can see what you are doing for others..”
Miss A reposts such on her page and she uses one of the above captions. On Valentine’s day she even posted that viral clip of a lady who was pouring a glass of wine while eating a life sized pizza in bed alone.
She captioned it ‘MOOD’ on her Insta story.
When I log out of Instagram I would wonder how a girl as beautiful as she is, is single.
“Lagos men are blind.” I would say to myself. “Look at Miss A. Why then should I feel bad about being single? If they haven’t seen Miss A, is it me?”
Basically she is my spirit single sister.
This week I was scrolling through Instagram when I saw a photo of a diamond ring slipped on someone’s fingers.
The caption was, “I’m marrying my best friend.”
Wedding date was in the hashtag. The congratulations were pouring in the comment section. I looked at the handle again. It was Miss A.
My thoughts were,
What’s happening here? I didn’t even know there was a male best friend talk more of a fiance who is about to become a husband. There is even a wedding date just like that?
Miss A, you were my spirit single sister and you do this to me.😭😭😭
I just typed my own congratulations and cancelled her name from the single sister register I keep in my head.
This got me thinking. Are there people who would feel ‘betrayed’ if I wake up tomorrow and announce I am getting married to my ‘best friend’ from mars.
I remember I got similar remarks jokingly during my last holiday posts.
I don’t think this is a case of misery loves company. For one it is up to each of us as individuals to decide if we want to live single happily or miserably.
I’d say it is more of an unconscious influence that stems from admiration. When you admire someone there is this good feeling you get when you identity with certain things about them, including their relationship status.
I don’t know what sort of impression my page gives. A miserable single girl? A happy single girl? A man hater? A lowkey hoe? A girl that falls in and out of love at the snap of one’s fingers?
One day I might meet someone I’ll gush about online and a year after I’ll still be talking about this person contrary to some people’s expectations that this person is just going to be one of those NSG stories who would come and go.
Then just like that, you might see a, “I’m marrying my best friend” post by me.
In summary don’t live by anyone’s rules on social media regardless of how much you admire them. Social media is an illusion and they’ll let you see only what they want you to see.
Sieve through content. Mine shouldn’t be any exception.
If it is money that makes you happy, chase it.
If it is men that makes you happy, chase them.
When you read something disgusting a man has done that makes you want to jump on the ‘men are ** posts’ by all means jump.
When you fall in love feel free to sing praises on how fantastic that man is. Set your own standards. Don’t deny yourself of true love because someone you admire on social media keeps championing who needs a man?
That person is getting engaged tomorrow or she’s quietly married.
At the same time don’t settle because you feel all your favs on social media are getting married. You don’t know what they are going through in the name of marriage.
Just do what makes you happy. You are not obligated to live by anyone’s standards. We all have our different lives but don’t forget to live yours authentically.
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